i want you

 

I miss you guys. 

I don't think you have any idea how much I miss the lot of you.

you guys are my life, nothing else matters. no matter what shoes, clothes, bags, I wear; nothing will ever compare.

I want to be with you, hold your hand, hug you, kiss you,  and just be with you. 

I miss being with you, hanging out at 3 in the afternoon drinking beer and smoking cigarettes and bitching til the sun goes down. 

I miss it when you pull my skirt up, when you try to unhook my bra, when you make fun of my light weighted-ness.  

I'm skyping with some of you right now, and I'm crying. I miss your retardness. One is 'naked' and one is making fun of me CRYING. 

I CANNOT describe what I'm feeling. one stupid night, and everything is fucked up. "Welcome to Hell" says a voice in my head. 

I still want love, need love. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V08Mt35MSis   - that is what I want. exactly how I used to feel when I was with you. the things I would do to make that happen again...

don't be a stranger, never be a stranger. Friendship, love, the lot of you give me that. and hell, I'll do anything I can to stay your best friend. any fucking thing. 

<3 

why do it when it makes forever shorter?

-
being stuck i the country with very little to do, and little internet time, hasn't proved too bad.
i feel really, really far away from everything though, it's weird. but good?
and there's amazing food, all the time. it's so bad. i do not want to gain any weight!




http://gcmashkurarowan.blogspot.com/ dont worry ill still be posting up here all the time :)

unknown

It's so weird how I'm torn by this. I didn't see it coming, but that's because I never realised how I felt? 

I kinda can't stop thinking about you. I just had to get this out. seriously, I'm feeling all weird about this. WHY ARE YOU SO GOD DAMN OBLIVIOUS?! I need you to realise that I'm here and I'm waiting and if you don't realise this, I'm gonna leave. 

I'm gonna leave, right now. 

But I don't wanna go. I want to stay and be with you, and be yours. But when is that going to happen? 

Soon? 

No, I hate the word 'soon'. It's like an unkept promise. 

What's the point of all of this? I don't know. I just need to let it out. 

Let what out? 

That's a good question. 

the truth, he said, has a way of coming out anyway. you might as well be upfront about it from the beginning.

i said, i know, i was just afraid you'd be disappointed.


we'll always love you, you know that. you need to go to sleep every night and know, you've got us, and we love you, he replied.

soundness

in twists and turns,
hand movements too

scolding me,
preparing me,
is not all you do.

protection and love,
i feel for you, too.
I'm not closing my ears, i hear every word

I know what I'm doing,
clear headed, i swear
i wish you could see, how happy this has made me,

your best friend is free.

the best part is, i don't even remember taking that.


i miss the freedom and miss the excitment,

i miss those people
i miss the place. i mean as in malaysia, not just space or passion but i really do miss malaysia.

the bad road signs, the food
littlest things you never appricated when you where there

i dreamt i was in 1utama a few nights ago. but there were all these new shops and stuff, which made me sad :( i knew that place preeeetty well!

i miss you guys so much,
more than road signs and places and passion and food

i miss the people.

but at the same time, it was time for a change and i'm meant to be here,
might as well accept it, and enjoy it. <3

fix it

if you can baby, fix it,
mend it not break it.

i don't doubt, i never have to
surreal

at the same time
you make me, not fixed me but completed me

dont break it,
then again, it's you
you'll fix it.

skinny love

you're a fake, but I love talking to you

you're a phony, but I love laughing with you

you're a liar, but I love hearing the stories you tell me

you're a deception, but I still like you

you're fabrication, but I can't stop thinking about you 

you're a sham, but the magic is almost back

I can feel it. 

http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/its-funny-how/

thanks to Zachary Bull, who showed it to me. I'm so happy you found the magic <3 

But, wait.

She finds it funny she's accepting the abuse.
While simultaneously hanging her dreams on a noose.
But wait now, this rhythm is playing again.
Spinning in circles that are orbiting my head. 
You seem surprised, did you think I was dead?
But wait now, She's holding on tight.
More then just panic she's dying of fright. 
Teeth are clenching and the nails she bites.
But wait now, this lie continues to grow.
Get yourself ready, be sure to stay on your toes.
They know the truth and they're ready to go. 
So here is her story and my little trick.
Keep your head up and above the watery bed.
She is searching for souls to tear to shreds.
Grab your crosses and prepare for the dread.
Nothing is more merciless than a fiery stone.
But wait now.. oh never mind we're done with this show. 

Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see
Hebrews ch11 v1

the more you know someone, the more you can trust them. Like, you would find it hard to put all your trust in a stranger, but not so hard to have faith in someone you know really well, and love.




i miss everyone :( thanks for the blog lyza, love all you've done so far :)

Realize

It's quite a mystery how all these things come wandering into my consciousness.
I've always been aware.
Yet, the sheer hope in humanity blinds me.
"Typical, purely typical", says the record player.
What more can I say? For, what else do I have other than faith?
Facts? But, facts change everyday. Facts always are in wide interpretation.
No matter how many times presented to you.
They change.
Locations, feelings, thoughts and lifestyles are rotating within our grasp.
We merely just have to reach up and pick. Like apples on a tree.
You, you are so intelligent with your outlandish language and intricate vocabulary.
You ask all the right questions. Word them in the right way. I turn right around and ask you the same. Do you know the answer?
No. You never do. Yes, you'll explain it using fancy metaphors and detailed analogies.
Fluff, pure fluff. Stock piles of hypocrisy that have been accumulating for centuries!
Who has to suffer for your false ideals, and fake lifestyles?
I do. I have to explain to them... that you aren't the true representation.
I have to study to show that we're all human.
We are.
We really are.
Repetition.
I must repeat it.
So that maybe I, someday, can believe.
Possibly? 
Luckily, it is not you who is immortal.

differences

her morning elegance

like what I've been told; the magic is a funny thing. 

we should all get what we deserve. 

a first for everything

I'm starting this cause, I'm sick of writing on pieces of paper about how I'm feeling.

you know how everyone has this whole... idea that they have to know every single thing about the person they're with? I don't really like that. I mean, sure it provides a good basis to a relationship, but then... All of the mystery is gone. 

there should be a first for everything.
the thing is that, it should be right. it should be completely okay for you to fall in love with someone who is totally out of your league, like a nerd falling in love with the cheerleader or the quarterback falling in love with the bookworm. I don't see anything wrong with it, because love takes in many forms. love is funny like that; it makes you love people you never thought you would, and makes you hate who you've become because of it. 

so what is it REALLY that gets us all going? I don't remember love being as great as everyone is making it out to be. I've only ever felt it once, but that was a long time ago and now it just seems like memory. something that I can't imagine anymore, or feel. oh, aren't I in shit?

I have a friend who is searching for the "magic" 
and I feel like screaming, "IT'S RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!". if you stop chasing it, it'll come to you. but I never listen to my own advice, stooooooopid.

p.s. this blog will be shared between Elyza Khamil and Gabrielle Rowan - a way for us to stay in contact when we're unable to talk to each other. 

missing you my darling, always <333333